There are many ways to mother. And, some of us know there is a huge difference between being a mother and being a mom. Some have been traumatic; and some have been life giving and affirming in every way. For those of you who were closely linked with your mom and may be experiencing loss quite profoundly, I offer this reflection inspired by a conversation with my dear friend Lolly who is bravely and openly moving through the loss of the deeply touching and talented woman and brilliant mom: Edie Kellar Mahaney. Speaking of invigorating sensory experiences… Enjoy her work at the above link! 🙂
The comforts of sensory experiences- music, family recipes, uplifting smells from aromatherapy oils or teas, can be very soothing to draw us out of dark, lonely intense periods. You may surprise yourself by feeling perfectly fine one minute, and then quite suddenly after seeing a picture or an item of clothing pulled into an abyss that feels too expansive and exhausting to extract yourself from. It is our bodies, our humanness, that needs saving in the wake of the loss of a mom. Somewhere our best, purest selves which are everlasting, are connected with the Spirit who created us and certainly with the person and her spirit who physically birthed our particular incarnation into the physical plane.
Our spirits, which are perfect unique pieces of the One God, are always connected to the same pure and unending essence of our moms; but in death it is our physical lives, our earthly identities which are greatly altered in the absence of our mothers. It was from this one body that we became incarnate into this life. The first intersection between body and soul. One end of the threshold between heaven and earth that we passed through to begin our worldly existence has closed. It was the earliest introduction our spirits had to the physical life that came from our mothers. Until we make our own journey towards releasing the physical world, the absence of that bond will be intensely sensed. This is why these small physical comforts go such a long and gentle way to offer moments of respite and connection.
The best part ourselves holds the wisdom of the divine and can draw on the Spirit for strength and comfort. But our fleshy, vulnerable physical lives are dramatically altered. Who are we? How shall we spend our time? From where will stability, meaning, and comfort come? In addition to snuggles and kisses, it was through the textures of cuddly blankets, beds made, food prepared, and clothes made or lovingly chosen that care was given to our bodies, emotions and souls as we struggled to grow into this world. So of course reaching out for those things which we were taught so early to associate with love, belonging, security, and joy makes perfect sense. Find those things. Celebrate the woman who shared them with you! Incorporate them into your life intentionally.
Know that you are loved- always without exception. You were created, born, and will be welcomed again by Love.